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Park City, UT

Joie de VIVre

My boys (husband included), photography, writing, swimming, hiking

VIV Moment

I have four VIV Moments that are fatefully joined. The first was the moment I uncovered my strength as a woman, which initiated a period of tremendous personal growth. This happened the day I learned my first husband had been unfaithful to me and was living a dual life. The typical anger and disbelief was accompanied by a newfound inner strength. Though my heart was shattered, I shed my naiveté and grew a spine. I called my husband and told him to come home and pick up the suitcase I had packed for him. I remained in the house with my two dogs. It was the end of a dream and the beginning of my real life. I grew in the company of my best companions (my dogs) and close friends.

One year later, I wrote a letter to the universe describing exactly what I wanted in life, including peace and meaning. No doubts, no exceptions. Two years later, the universe delivered Brian and the beginning of a beautiful journey. I met Brian while skiing at Deer Valley. On our first date, I knew we would be good friends. On our second date, during a VIV Moment, my heart pulsed, telling me we would be together for a long time. Brian was the man described in my letter: of strong character, kind, loving, gentle, hardworking … loyal.

Three years into our marriage, we were told I was infertile, so we took the in-vitro plunge. VIV Moment No. 3: Hearing the words, “Meg, you are very pregnant,” from the nurse relaying my blood results. I was elated to tears. It was a complete paradigm shift. I would be more than a writer, more than a wife, more than a sister and daughter — I would be a mother. At 41, my once-shattered heart felt whole and full of life, love and hope.

Our Wyatt came into the world perfect and without a peep. He was a miracle to us. Now I tell my “little whippersnapper” every night before bed, “Wyatt, I love you bigger than the universe.”

But wait, there’s more! Given our circumstances, Brian and I were resolved to having one child only. We finally adjusted to parenthood, having fun with our little one. Wyatt was 10 months old when VIV Moment No. 4 presented itself at the positive end of a pregnancy test. “My God,” I thought, “We did it all by ourselves this time. I’m really a Mom. Again.”

The threads of this moment somehow ran deeper than before and were confounded with as much doubt as joy. Could I do this? It meant further suspending my career. It meant caring for a baby at the same time as a toddler. Could my older body handle this pregnancy? The doubts were valid, but moot … the train had left the station. I breathed deeply and gave into the love. Wyatt was meant to have a sibling. We were meant to have this baby.

Garrett, my second son, is another little miracle, and a joyful baby. He would not have been born if Wyatt had not retrained my body. And I whisper to Garrett every night before bed, “Garrett, I love you bigger than the universe.”

Now I am blessed every day with a VIV Moment, from the love I feel when my children laugh with me or say, “I love you, Mommy,” or my husband says, “You’re a good Mom,” to the compassion I feel when someone else experiences the loss of a child. My heart no longer has borders.

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